


Queen of Time

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Star Wars - Freeform, Time Travel, rey theory variant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 07:07:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17259791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Missing Anakin so intensely, and still reeling from her fight with his future self on Malachor, Ahsoka does something desperate. She makes the choice to trap herself in the world between worlds believing that living with the memories would hurt less than living without him. She hadn’t counted on how much they would torture her however, and she reaches out for him in a moment where she believed he only wanted her.Now that she’d stolen him from his timeline and she’d removed herself from her own, they will be forced to face the consequences of what she’d just messed up. But at least she has him, and with where she’d been mentally, that’s all that matters to her. At least until they discover just how much their sudden absence changed.Can they fix it? Will they even try? Or will they ignore the state of the galaxy in order to stay together?





	Queen of Time

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if this qualifies as a Rey Theory Variant or not, but I will be using things I established in my Rey Theory (Legacy of Light) in order to write it, so I suppose it does lol
> 
> Also one of my New Year's resolutions was to stop starting new stories until I finished other ones and then this happened. I think that lasted an hour. New record!

            “Morai!” She skidded to a halt, inches from the triangular portal leading back to Malachor. The green and yellow convoree hooted in surprise, swooping around to miss the doorway. She looked up at it, a sinking feeling in her chest. “Protect my daughter.” She used the force to push it through back to the time she’d left before her friend had a chance to change her mind. She spun on her heels, narrowing her eyes and tightening her fists, pouring every ounce of energy she had left on pushing back on the spell the Emperor had sent after her and Ezra. She caught sight of Ezra disappearing through his own portal and she took a deep breath.

            All she had to do was hold the Emperor off long enough for Ezra to close it from his side. And if it trapped her here… well… that was a risk she had to take. She focused the force, shielding herself from the power. She didn’t want to go back to her time. The time where Anakin was no longer Anakin. The time of war and devastation and death. She’d told Ezra he had to let go, but she couldn’t. She also knew that influencing the timeline could have devastating consequences.

            What she really wanted, was just to watch. To learn, to see what happened. And maybe selfishly, see Anakin one last time. Tears welled in her eyes. That meant abandoning her daughter to an uncertain future. That meant leaving the rebellion to fend for itself. And that meant leaving him, even though she’d promised him she wouldn’t. All of that, just to live in memories. To be a silent observer to a life and world she shouldn’t change.

            The portal closed, the spell broke and she collapsed onto the strange pathway beneath her. She laid there for a long time, trying not to think about the choice she’d just made to stay in this place. And she definitely didn’t want to think about the consequences. Vader saw her vanish, if she never returned, he’d likely believe she was dead. “I’m sorry, Ashla,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I could never give you the life you deserved. I’m sorry you never got to know your father. And I’m sorry for leaving you now. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.” She struggled to her feet, clutching at her side. “I love you.”

            She turned to look back at the one Ezra had pulled her through to begin with. It was dark, no sign that she could reactivate it if she wanted to. All the ones she could see from where she stood were the same way. Maybe she hadn’t thought this through. She’d assumed being trapped here, meant she could still see what was through the portals even if she couldn’t go through any, but now she wasn’t so sure. Had sealing one portal sealed all of them?

            She lifted her chin turning to the right and then she started following the sound. As she got closer, she saw one flicker to life. She knelt down in front of it, watching the birth of her daughter as an outside observer. Her hand reached up wanting to touch her again, wanting to feel the pain that had given birth to such joy. Bumps spread across her skin as her chest tightened. She’d once believed her daughter was a gift. She’d once believed that her very entrance into her life had made every moment of suffering worth it. How could she have forgotten that? When had it changed?

            As she watched the tenderness with which she’d held and bathed her in that first hour of her life, something sunk in the pit of her stomach. Everything she’d done since leaving the order had been about her daughter. She’d forced herself to believe she was doing what was best for her.

            The image faded in front of her. Someone screamed, and she was on her feet, racing towards another portal. She saw her daughter lying alone on a forest floor, curled in a fetal position. No blood around her, but she trembled and cried. It took all her willpower not to reach to her. She was older now, in her late teens. What had happened here? She could feel her fear. _Wait… this was recent…_  was this happening now?

            “Mom?” Ashla made a strangled sob. “Where are you? Why can’t I find you?” Ahsoka put her hand up, pulling back at the shock of electricity when she touched it.

            “I’m right here, Ashla. I’m right here.” Tears fell down her cheeks as her daughter cried in front of her. She couldn’t hear her. Her blue eyes were glassy and flat as she stared off at nothing, curling tighter.

 _I could just reach through, right now. I could bring her here. We could be together again. She’d be safe here._  Ahsoka reached her hand up again, but then remembered why she’d always stayed far away and dropped it back into her lap. Maybe none of the things she’d done had been right. She glanced back up at the portal where she’d seen herself giving birth. What if she went back and took her away from there? Or convinced her past self to leave Coruscant and go far away? Maybe then her and her daughter could be together somewhere safe. Maybe the Emperor would never have known about them. She never would have known what had become of Anakin…

            “I’m so sorry, Ahsoka.” Her head snapped up at the sound of his voice.

            “For what?” she heard herself say.

            “For everything,” he breathed. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she landed in front of yet another doorway.

            “You did everything you could.” She watched her past self say to him. The way he held her. The way he shuddered, the tightness and fear in his tone. She remembered that day. It was one of the ones that haunted her the most. She fought a full band of Trandoshen hunters, so she could return to him. She hadn’t showered in days and was half starved, yet he’d been the one that looked terrible. He’d been so hard on himself. He’d beaten himself up over trying to find her. Likely he hadn’t even slept since she had been kidnapped. He’d sounded so helpless, so lost. If anything he’d ever said or done had told her he needed her… it was that small exchange on the landing platform on that afternoon the Wookiees had returned them to the Jedi temple.

            She crossed her arms and rubbed them. Why had she left him? Was it her fault he’d become this… this…  _monster?_  She shivered as she remembered the way he’d sounded during their fight.  _Then you will die_ … Was it possible to change how he became that? But she didn’t know how he became that. She didn’t know much about that at all.

            “I hate you!” She shuddered as Anakin’s voice echoed around her. She looked around trying to find the source. Another portal opened, and she ran to it. She clasped her hands over her mouth as she saw him lying near a river of lava. Dirty, broken, burned. She reached for him again and remembered she shouldn’t change anything. She saw the gold eyes flash dangerously in her direction and she fell back onto her butt, staring in horror as he burst into flame. She caught sight of Obi wan turning his back on him and walking away. What? Why would he do that? She squeezed her eyes shut, she could almost smell the burning flesh even in this nether realm. She risked a glance up to see him slowly pulling himself along the ash by his mechanical hand. The only limb he had left. How was he even still alive? Then she saw the Chancellor and backed away from the portal, so it would deactivate, and he wouldn’t be able to sense her.

            She heaved a sigh, struggling to shake the image of him burning from her eyes. But she couldn’t. Why would Obi wan turn on him? What had led up to that? He was the enemy as Vader, but… she’d always believed his master had loved him.

            Maybe being the observer was far worse than living it. The helplessness of having to watch these things transpire and do nothing. She dropped her face in her hands, rocking back and forth. All she wanted right now was more time. More time to be with him. More time to love him. _More time_ … She was stuck in a place she could go to any point in time and it still didn’t feel like she had enough. That no amount would ever be enough.

            She ran from portal to portal, exhausting herself both physically from all the running and emotionally from all the memories. Why hadn’t she thought about how hard this would be on her? Why hadn’t it occurred to her that even her happiest memories with him would cause a stabbing pain? All of them were tainted now, tainted by their fight on Malachor and everything they’d become.

            She hadn’t wanted to fight him, she thought he’d notice. She’d thought... well she’d thought that when he saw her standing there... he’d want her. That seeing her alive would be enough to snap him out of it. It hadn’t. In fact, that hurt far more than their fight, the fall, him almost finishing her off and the Emperor’s spell.

            She clutched her side, collapsing onto the pathway. She had no idea what Palpatine had hit her with, but she felt faint. Though that could very easily be from watching helplessly, all these moments she could never get back.

            For sixteen years, all she’d thought about was him. Everything she’d fought for; Ashla, the rebellion, for survival, for freedom... all of it had been to honor him. In his memory, out of love... _for him_. Finding out he was still alive that whole time, and that he’d turned into the very thing they’d been fighting against... no... what hurt the most was that he didn’t want her now. Maybe he’d never really wanted her. Maybe he hadn’t missed her at all. Maybe he hadn’t mourned her the way she’d mourned him. Maybe none of what they’d shared had ever mattered.

            She tipped her head when she heard his voice again. Did she even want to go to it? Was she that desperate for anything good, she’d continue to torture herself for no reason? She dropped her head back down, staring through the transparent walkway at the billions of stars around her. All the white bordered pathways leading to an uncountable number of doorways. Every single one of them could open to any moment in time, but the ones that activated seemed to directly correlate to something she’d been thinking or feeling.

            Guilt over leaving Ashla behind had led to the first couple to be about her. To be reminded of the miracle and wonder of her birth and the joy it had brought her during such a dark and uncertain time in her life. And as she remembered that, it was interrupted by the consequence of her choice to stay here; Ashla no longer being able to find her in the force. Every subsequent portal that opened, did so in response to a need or a question she had.

            And now... now she didn’t want to see him or hear his voice, but she still yearned for him. Now though, what she yearned for was a moment in time where he’d really wanted her. Where nothing else had mattered and for precious moments it had been _only_ them.

            A nearby portal opened and she turned, able to see it from where she was lying. “Let’s play a game,” he said. Tears welled in her eyes and she reluctantly dragged herself to her feet. She was crying by the time she made it to the portal, standing there watching them as he’d tried to distract her from what she’d thought, had been the worst experience of her young life. She stared at him, as he sat there casually on her bed. His tousled hair, his slurring voice, his good natured and relaxed laughter.

            A moment, so fleeting... that’s all it had been. But that had been the moment her entire life had changed. When she’d gone from dreaming about the future as a Jedi, to dreaming only about him. And how barely a month later... she’d been running from everything she’d ever known, including him. Pregnant, alone, terrified... She squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered all of it. Each emotion hitting her like a million tiny balls of ice that pelted you from the sky. By the time it receded, it amazed her that she was both still standing, and not full of holes. Maybe she  _was_  full of holes, just not in the physical sense.

            “I dare you to kiss me,” he breathed, and her eyes flitted back to his face. He was right there, inches away. He was asking for her attention, for her love. The want had been in his eyes that night, and she’d been needing it too badly to resist. She reached forward and grabbed him, ignoring the electric shock and jerking him into the nether world with her. “What the kriff?” he slurred as he struggled to get up from where they’d both fallen.

            She grabbed his face in her hands, leaning forward and kissing him hard, before he could pull away. She poured every ounce of longing, love, desire,  _need_  into that kiss. Begging him to feel her love. Begging him to see how badly she needed him and wanted him. Begging him to see only her, for once in his life. She ignored the nagging questions what she’d just done stirred in her tired brain. She held onto him for dear life, needing to remember what his lips had been like against hers. Needing to feel something again, something other than sorrow and helplessness and fear.

            “Whoa,” he muttered when they finally came up for air. He looked her over his eyes somewhat glassy from all the nectar he’d just consumed. He was confused but mainly dazed. “Who are you?” He looked around. “Where are we?” Then he looked back at her face as he studied her, and she saw recognition dawn. “Ahsoka?” She nodded, unable to find her voice. Him being in front of her again, it was like a dream come true. Maybe she could forget everything that had happened. Maybe they could start again? Maybe... “But... how?” He pointed over his shoulder at the portal behind him that had gone dark. “I was just with you, but you were different.... what’s going on?”

            She curled her lips, wondering how to explain it to him, but at the same time not wanting to. All she wanted right now was him, just him. Damn the consequences, she didn’t really care. Damn the war, damn the Emperor, damn all of it.

            She leapt to her feet pulling him up with her. Dragging him along, she raced down the pathways, realizing that if Anakin was really here, he wouldn’t stay tipsy for long. It wouldn’t be long before his questions sharpened _and_ his resistance. It wouldn’t be long before this place reacted to his wants, needs and confusion too. She tightened her grip on his arm and thought of nothing but a place they could go and be safe. Somewhere neither of them already existed or far away from the war, and everything that had happened since. She wasn’t picky, she just wanted only him.

            At first, nothing happened, and she was starting to lose hope that maybe this place didn’t work quite how she thought. Then she heard it... her head snapped to the sound and she was pulling him towards the portal that opened. He was protesting somewhat, but for now was just a bit too inebriated to put up much fight. And probably, the fact that he’d figured out it was her, meant he had no real reason not to trust her... _yet_. If only that had been the case yesterday, with Darth Vader.

            Before she could change her mind, she pulled him through the opened portal with her. Collapsing onto a small bed, in a tiny room, in an unknown time or place as the nether world vanished from sight behind them. What’s done was done. Whatever happened, from here on out, whatever she’d potentially changed... she didn’t care.

            “Ahsoka?” He looked up from where he’d landed on top of her. “What’s going on? Why do you look so different? What was that place?”

            She brought her fingers up to brush them down his cheek. He leaned into the touch, but still had confusion written all over his handsome features. Part of her wanted to cry, part of her wanted to sob the last sixteen years all over his shoulders, holding onto him, never ever letting go again. Part of her wanted to bury her face in his chest and never move again; suffocating on her love for him. She knew she needed to explain something, but her mind drew a blank and she dropped her head back on the pillow, thinking only of his warmth and the way he felt on top of her.

            “Are you okay?” he asked, scooting up to meet her eyes again. 

            “I am now.” Her lips trembled, and she blinked away the water in her eyes.

            “What’s going on?” he asked again, but softer this time.

            “I saved you,” she choked on her words. She wanted to believe that’s what she’d done. Now he couldn’t become that monster she’d fought on Malachor. Now none of the awful things she’d learned about could happen. She’d stolen him from a dark path he was walking. She’d saved him, countless lives and now herself.

            “From getting kissed by you?” he chuckled, still slurring slightly. Her heart clenched as she realized that maybe she’d saved him from the future everything else, but she’d also taken him from before Ashla was conceived and right out from under her past self. Now that day that had shaped everything, would never happen either.  _Oh no..._ He reached out and touched her right lekku with his bare hand, running his fingers down it. “It might be the nectar talking, but damn...” he whispered, leaning down close to her again. “You are so beautiful.”

            Everything else faded from her brain as he met her eyes again. In them was only longing, need. A hunger for her that she’d only dreamed of from him. And maybe soon, the alcohol would fade, and they’d be forced to face the consequences of what she’d just done. But right now, she could escape it. Right now, she had him again, and for one blissful night, she was going to show him love like he’d never known. There’d be no naivety to it, no uncertainty, no worry this time. Only every ounce of love she’d ever felt for him, she’d communicate through her fingertips. With her lips, with her body.

            She grabbed him around the neck, pulling him down so she could meet his lips. She poured everything she had left and so much more into him. As he melted into her embrace, she wanted to scream at him that this was everything they could have had. Why had the force ripped them apart before?

                She was too lost in his touch and their rising heat to care anymore.


End file.
